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25 things that went through my mind as I was sick for the week between Christmas and New Year’s

by Aileen McDonough

  1. Well, I guess it’s better that I’m sick during the week we closed the office.
  2. WTF? Sick on my vacation? THIS FUCKING ROTS.
  3. (Spoken in my mind) Being sick is kind of lonely. Wonder what the kids are doing…
  4. (Spoken aloud/loudly to children playing knee-hockey in my bedroom) OMG GET THE FUCK DOWNSTAIRS CAN’T YOU SEE I’M SICK?
  5. Something really funny that I forgot as I walked from the bedroom to the laptop (fevered brain fog.) Yeah, let’s watch Star Wars again.
  6. This fever is insane. My eyeballs feel hot. Is that even a thing?
  7. This fever is insane. Is this what hot flashes feel like? Holy fuck, am I perimenopausal already?
  8. My 10-year-old is sick too. OK, let’s go to the pediatrician’s office.
  9. The pediatrician’s office the day after Christmas=a petri dish personified.
  10. Good Lord, someone has brought their well child at the pediatrician’s office–LEAVE NOW! SAVE YOURSELVES!
  11. At least I’m catching up on my reading. I did say I wanted to read on this vacation, right? Alllllll I wanted to do was lie around and read, right? Got my wish, I guess! (Bangs head on Kindle repeatedly.)
  12. This is a good week to teach my 12-year-old to cook, as I have no sense of smell nor taste. (Talks child through 3 crock-pot recipes from bed.)
  13. If you’re diffusing aromatherapy oils but you can’t smell them, do they still work? Or is it like the tree falling in the forest thing?
  14. Speaking of trees, how many boxes of tissues can I go through before I am personally responsible for the decimation of an evergreen forest?
  15. It’s a good thing all my holiday shopping netted me enough wastebasket bags to hold all these tissues. Also, EWWW.    IMG_0155
  16. HOW MUCH MUCUS CAN ONE PERSON POSSIBLY PRODUCE?
  17. And wow, I’ve never seen mucus that color….maybe I should go downstairs and call the doctor.
  18. (Upon venturing downstairs) HOW MESSY CAN A HOUSE GET WHEN THE MAMA IS NOT AVAILABLE TO CLEAN IT?
  19. It’s better if I don’t go downstairs. My annual physical is in a couple days anyway.
  20. (On the way to the doctor’s office) I wonder if my doctor will appreciate the sheer irony of my showing up at my annual “well visit” sick as a dog?
  21. (Leaving the doctor’s office) Who knew that “sick as a dog” is an actual diagnosis!
  22. Apparently there’s a lot of this going around. The next person I meet in public who tells me they have “just a little cold” is going to get a throat punch from me.
  23. Maybe I need to start wearing those surgical masks in public.
  24. Showers are beautiful. I could stay in here forever.
  25. (Moments later, prostrate on the bed with soaked hair) Showers are exhausting. I need to sleep for an hour now.

Bonus: Wait, is my husband catching this cold? FUUUUUUUCK.

Who knew that “sick as a dog” is an actual diagnosis! http://wp.me/p7jtXE-2pb #momcold #mancold

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Filed Under: WAHM Musings Tagged With: Christmas, holidays, New Year's Eve, WAH, wahm

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